Needy

My friends always complain about guys being too needy. They always want to talk and actually likes to spend time with them. Now I always thought HOW IS THIS A BAD THING!!! I mean a guy that is willing to talk to want to talk and wants to spend time with you. I personally have found after my years in this dating world that these two things are a big problem!!
Until now that is because I have meet the neediest, annoying little brat of a man. Has to talk to me at all times gets mad if I don't text me cant stand not to see me. Ugh me makes me want to hurl

Fourteen

I feel like I'm a teenager again. I can talk to someone from my past and no matter how much things have changed, and trust me allot has, every time we talk I go right back to that young girl who gets giddy every time he smiles at me and it's just ridiculous that I can turn into this. I'm almost 20 years old I've had plenty of guys after him and I like to think of myself as a level headed person who is usually pretty confident. But not when it comes to you that's for sure.

My first doesn't get why it's bad she says I should enjoy the feeling but years of experience has shown me that it won't end well and that the feeling is just going to be short lived. That in my head i now start comparing this feeling to the one I get with other guys but there isn't a compare because this feeling is so deep rooted and only one other thing beats it and I'm not strong enough to go through that tonight.

Ugh well in a weeks time I will have found something else and he will begone along with my fourteen year old self that is forcing her way out will go away for a few more months atleast.

Dreams

Do you ever have a situation that you sort of created in your head? I seem to do that allot! Lately it's been with a guy I use to be really good friends with. We were great friends and got along awesomely. He was younger than me and had a crush on me as a kid. I of course had a thing for him because he was freaking adorable but he was two years younger then me and when ur like 13 years old, two years is a huge deal!!!! Like ginormous deal even now I really don't like 2 years but it's becoming a tad bit more deal able as I get older. Well looking back now all I can think of Is why did I think two years was such a big deal he was such a cute kid and now he is down right sexy! And has defiantly changed over the years.
In my head I'm that teenager and I've found him again and realized what I let get away and my mind is saying oh he must feel the same way I mean come on I'm such a catch( ha ha ha) but of course this isn't that catch!!! He is this studly hot smothering guy who his really tall and huge shoulders so of course he can have any blonde bikini wearing girl he wants, and he does!
So when I see him talking to a girl I just want to scream aggg he's mine!!!!!!! Well he's not but he should be!!! I need to stop letting my mind do this....................

Frustration.

I feel so discontented with everything right now, like everything in my life just feels like shit and nothing seems worth my time anymore. Im on my 4th semester of college doing 15 credit hours while working 4 to 5 days a week and I feel like I'm just walking in place. Like no matter how much work and effort I continue to put in I'm not getting anywhere. I'm still doing the same crappy job with the same crappy people. I'm still going to school everyday, doing all my homework turning everything in on time no matter what it takes but yet I still can't seem to get my grades where they need to be, but then Marly* and Kayla* go out and get drunk on the weekends smoking and partying life away but yet they are getting awesome grades without really any effort.
I went to the same high school as these girls, I took the same classes and listened to the same lectures but yet here I am and there they are! I just keep thinking once I go away to school it'll all get better but now I'm wondering if that's going to be the case, or if I'll Just continue to be lost some hundred miles away from home. I just want to go home and sleep.

* names changed for my safety, I don't these girls crappy football playing boy toys of the week coming after me for insulting their angels!