Tuesday, August 21, 2012


I recently went through and read some of my old blog posts from last semester and I must say, I crack myself up! Hahaha


I know the title is a bit morbid but as of recent it's something I think about. My uncle died about a month ago after an agonizing battle with a very degenerating disease. About 2 weeks later my best friends died killed himself , no clue why he just grabbed one of his guns and shot himself, he was 52 years old had 3 kids and 6 grandchildren and had recently retired he had no reason as far as the world can see to kill himself but yet he still did. This past weekend (8/18) a kid I went to high school with and whose patents are very good family friends died a horrible death after being in car accident and couldn't pull through all of his injurious. He was 21!
I feel like this whole death thing is just a weight pulling me down. I have no fear about my own death, I could find out in going to die tomorrow and I'd go home and spend the night playing with my pets, im fine with it. But the thought of someone else dying is mind numbing. My dad changes a light bulb and suddenly I'm afraid something will happen to him. My mom trips and I immediately become worried if she could be permanently hurt. Heck my midnight( the cat) is 12 years old and I've had her since I was in 2nd grade if I see her sleeping and not moving I have to wake her up to make sure she didn't pass away while I was gone.
My family tells me to stop worrying but it's not like them telling me that changes anything, I can't help it!
Death means something different to anyone. To some it's simply the end of life nothing after your dead, body in the earth, but for others it's just a step in life and after death they get to move onto a whole new life in rebirth, there are also people who believe after death they will meet St. Peter at the gates to heaven.
I don't know how I feel, what I think will happen. Until ABC finds away to send someone to death to record back for the 5 o'clock news I don't think anyone knows.
I know this is very dark and I'm sure in a few days I'll be back to normal, as long as no one else died between then. I think it just comes from almost losing both of my parents and just sitting in the hospital hallway praying to someone to save them. My dad also informed me if he ever got cancer he too would kill himself, gee dad that doesn't worry me at all!